We lie all the time. Little white lies that we think don't hurt anyone. And for the most part they don't. When someone asks How you are and you reply with 'fine thanks, you?' even though you feel like you could quite happily rip off your own skin and run away, When someone asks how something looks and it's not to your taste but you say that it looks good. Sometimes it's not a complete lie. Sometimes it's just omitting part of the information so that a view can be formed or a sympathetic ear can be made. It doesn't hurt anyone right? If you don't want to share, then you don't have to. The worst part about it is people can choose to lie, they can choose not to give you information or to change you view on something without giving you all the facts. They can make you think in a different way because they choose for you too. They all of a sudden have power over you and you don't even know it. When someone with mental illness learns that they have been lied to (or that information has been left out) it doesn't process in the same way as it would to others. Often it can send people into a spiral as they don't understand what they have done wrong that led to them not being told the truth. It sounds like it's a lot, like an over reaction. The thing with mental health is that it effects so much of your life. In ways that you don't even think about until you sit down and explore why you are thinking or acting in a certain way, until you look into what could be triggering you to think in a certain way. When someone doesn't tell you the truth, it becomes an internal question as you try to work out what you have done wrong. Why wouldn't someone tell you the truth? Then it becomes a cycle of thinking of all the ways in which you are not good enough, while dissecting the ways in which you could be better. These is a dangerous cycle as it can lead you down a dangerous road making you very low. It also has a huge knock on effect as you then start to look at what you are doing every day and how you are still doing the things that made people not want to tell you the truth. So then you become focused on changing the way that you do things. Then you miss out on what is happening around you. You've effectively become unable to live in the present because you are spending so much time thinking about the bad parts of yourself. Then you think about how you are changing the relationships you have with people because you are not actively spending time with them or looking out for them. We call them a tribe because they prop you up but if they are not if they don't see you. Actually see you being present. There is only so much that people can take. This is where your brain goes. Then it cycles back to how you are doing things wrong, how you are wrong, how you are not good enough, how you don't deserve what you have., how people don't actually like you. it becomes very difficult to get yourself out of the cycle. It takes a huge amount of strength and focusing. (often for me it takes a new piercing to bring me back into the room). So you are being applauded, from afar. You are enough. You are not alone. You are ok.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
January 2021
Categories |