Before I begin this week’s blog, here is the link for a free online CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course that runs over 8 weeks. I’m aware that some people may not be able to have their therapy appointments or may want a refresher course or even to see what therapy can do for them. You do it by yourself so can learn at your own pace and I’m finding it useful so you may too. I’ll put it in the website section too.
https://cimhs.com/ Any person who struggles with anxiety will eventually let you know that they do. It might not be through what they say but more of what they do or how prepared they are. It has taken a couple of years but I have now gotten the day bag down to essentials. There used to be a heck of a lot of stuff in this bag that I would carry round or keep in the car, just in case. Literally anything that you could think of that somebody might need; if you go and pick them up from somewhere; while you are out exploring or even just on a bus trip to a new city. This was never a problem I used to have. Circumstances meant that I became a much more of a pack rat because I felt that I had to make everything the best it could be for everyone else. The current situation in the world is worrying for everyone. Some people believe they are invincible and just carry on. Others are finding their entire lives being affected in ways they couldn’t even have imagined. Lockdowns are happening in every country. People are unable to use support systems they have put in place to help them just through the every day and now they are being slowly forced to face issues that they may have found ways to cope with. Being alone is a huge fear for many. For others (myself mostly included) being alone can have its ups and downs. I love to spend time by myself or with people who are close to me that I don’t feel forced to make conversation with. However I cannot be around anyone who I don’t know that well and have silence. I have been conditioned (in a way) to think that if someone is silent it is because they are thinking up all the ways to tell me how I haven’t done enough/been good enough/helped them enough/cooked good enough food/cleaned well enough/ done my job well enough and so on. This is a huge issue for me to the point where I often spend time cooking while listening to a TV show or documentary. If other people come if then I’ll turn it off but I just cannot stand the silence. It drives my anxiety like you would not believe and is probably one of the C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) triggers. I am fully aware that it drives people around me crazy sometimes because it requires reassurance. Imagine you sit down for dinner. I’ve cooked and I think it’s pretty good. I’m made something that I know you like to eat. We sit down and I’ll probably start by asking you if you want a drink. Then I’ll get the drink. Then maybe you want salt or pepper. Then what if you want a sauce. Also there is a bit left, would you like some more? (I’ve never learned how to cook just for a few; it comes from having a ginormous family) Also maybe I should have made a side, would you like one? Do you want something sweet for after? Do you want something else to drink? Is it too hot? Is it too cold? Did I season it enough? What would improve it? And this is only what you are hearing. There is no way that you can enjoy a meal with a barrage of questions like that continuing all the time you are eating. Plus then I am up and down more times than a jack in a box, which must be super distracting. Not only does it then diminish the experience of someone eating your food, it also is a gateway into negative thought patterns that your illogical brain wants you to be in. This is where being mindful of your actions comes in. It sounds a bit like mumbo jumbo until you look at one small area that you can use it in and see the effects. This can happen in any area of your life that you choose. A basic example of this for me is limiting myself to asking 2 questions about the meal and then thinking of questions to ask about other topics. How can I take what I already do and feel a need to do and make it more helpful for me and for others? This never happens right away. You always have to remind yourself – as you would with any new behavior be it starting a new eating regime or being a gym routine. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes a lot of work. Also people tend to bite off more than they can chew. If you try and apply this to every area of your life in one go then you will fail. I’m sorry but I’ve been there and it’s true. As much as it would be great if you could, nothing worth it is ever easy. So let’s take one tiny part of your life. Let’s think of one small step that you can take to carry on this journey in the fight against illogical brains. Since we are stuck in isolation there have been a lot more movies playing (it’s finally a chance to catch up on all the films I have never seen that everyone talks about!) So I’m going to limit myself to only getting up twice a film. That’s a lot more of a challenge than it may seem, as I will happily get up every 3 minutes for something that my brain has decided is important. And although this seems like it is a strange idea, by limiting the amount of times I get up and do something different, I’m making a conscious decision to be present in the moment, to enjoy what I am doing, what I am watching rather than allowing my mind to run off in any which way. And this takes a lot more than you might realize. Also as people who spend a lot of time in our heads, it is a strangely liberating feeling to have one tiny portion of your life that you focus on spending outside of it. You have the freedom to take actual experiences for what they are, rather than allowing your illogical brain to be in charge of your perception. And I think that is pretty damn amazing. You are enough. You are not alone. You are ok.
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