So the delightful thing about having an illogical part of your brain is you question a heck of a lot more than you would if you didn't have one. This goes for absolutely everything, from a person not returning a smile on the street to someone you know well responding to a message in a different way.
This becomes even more of a challenge when you don't feel like you are worthy of emotions. As part of my illogical brain it tells me that everyone else is worthy of emotions and theirs come before mine. This means that I have to make every one else ok before myself. This brings even more of a challenge when meeting unfamiliar emotions that you haven't felt/been allowed to feel for a long time. One I came across recently was anger. Obviously, I say that because it is obvious to my brain, I haven't felt this for a considerable amount of time. Once this emotion rears its head it becomes even more a problem. As much as it is fun to feel a negative emotion, use it and then grow from it, I don't feel that I am worthy of the emotion to begin with. Then Come the questions. The delightful questions. Luckily I have found people whose opinions I trust without question. This puts me in a good position because I'm allowed to question with them if my feelings are valid without fear of someone putting me down. I know they are working hard to create a safe space for me to question and grow in and I cannot put into words how much I appreciate it. So one the emotion arrives, you question it. After you question it you then have to figure out how to process it. That is even more fun. Because the whole idea of being allowed to feel this emotion is so weird to you, taking the next step seems even more difficult. A way that I have found which seems to work for me is to first determine what the emotion is. Then to find a 'safe' person to ask if the emotion is valid (normally I'll ask if I allowed to feel it too but I'm slowly trying to get past that point). Then I will try to think of all the ways that I can go froward from where I am (I am aware that this feeds the illogical part of my brain as it can go off on many incredible tangents, however I try to use a tool gained in therapy to sort through them to get rid of the ones I can't do anything about). Finally I will talk through possible realistic outcomes before deciding on one and working towards it. For the incident that sparked this post everything was resolved well and a good way. As hard as it may be to remember, everyone's feelings are valid. Every single person and every feeling that they have. That includes me. That includes you. You are enough. You are not alone. You are ok.
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