Expectations are difficult. For one everyone has them regardless of if they voice them or not. Second, you give yourself some that you may be able to achieve and some that you know you cannot but they are still there. When you first get diagnosed with a mental illness (illogical brain), you go and look it up. That is what the internet is for right? So you can get all of the information easily. Then you read about people who have whatever you have. Then you begin to form expectations. You begin to expect triggers, you begin to expect that by doing x, y and z you will help yourself. You begin to expect that you have to do certain things to get better. You read about people who have the same illogical brain that you do. You read about what caused them to have the illogical brain (here I am talking in terms of C-PTSD). Then you judge your event(s) against their event(s) and from there you come up with an idea of how long it should take you to recover and be a fully functionally human being again. Therein lies the first problem: there is no comparing of events and there is no way to predict how long it will take for you to feel like you have a handle on your illogical brain. Even now, almost 2 years after I left the major factor in getting help, I am still learning how to cope, although I'm a heck of a lot better at being able to articulate what I am feeling because I understand it more. So you go to the doctor. You say how you are feeling (as well as you are able to) and you you take that first step. You expect different things from that first step. I honestly expected that the doctor was going to tell me that bad things happen but sometimes we overreact and we can just move on with things. But she didn't. So then I was thrown because I had built up this whole idea of what they would say and now she had begun the process of validating how I felt. So after this first appointment I went back to the doctor because I had been given a tiny bit of belief that I was worth something. We spoke and she suggested calling Health in Mind (I had the best experience with them and I will always suggest them to anyone who needs help). She then talked about trying happy pills. I was unsure about it because I had a set of expectations attached to taking them. I expected that they would make me feel weird, that I wouldn't feel like myself and that I would become emotionless. Oddly enough I didn't even feel like myself anyway, I felt like a shell but for some reason I still had to protect that idea of me. When you mention to people that you take happy pills they have a set of expectations that go along with that. They expect that you will behave in certain ways. They expect that you will react the situations in a negative manner. They see you a little differently. People tend to fall into 3 categories: 1 - that's nice, let's just gloss over that; 2 - Treat you with kid gloves or 3 - someone with experience of mental illness who says that you for telling me. You can probably guess which ones help the most. Some people have the best of intentions but they have expectations of how you will react to their actions. People with illogical brains won't react in the way you think they will. They just won't. Even now, 2 years down the line I am incredibly uncomfortable receiving any kind of gift - it makes me cry, I don't know what to do or say, I don't understand why I have been given it, I feel like I have to give something back. You can The thing is I didn't even want to take them to begin with. With everything that is happening in the world now I can see how much they work for me. They are not a magic answer that mean you are fine with just taking them everyday and you become a person with no illogical brain.
The truth is you expect them to work magic. You expect them to help you from the second you take them - most take about 6 weeks to begin having effects and normally you will feel worse before you feel better. That is before you get onto the correct dosage, or even the right type of happy pill. I had to try 2 others before I got this one and then the dosage has been changed a few times too. And another one has been added. That's just how it works. The whole getting happy pills that work is a process. Expectations can hamper you. A lack of expectations can hamper you. Other people's expectations can hamper you. The way in which you approach these expectations can help you a huge amount. Communication is key. If you are not communicating with people how can they know if they are helping or if they are hindering? As hard and overwhelming as it is to communicate with people it's one of the best things you can do. And with these conversations you can have expectations that you can set. You can let people know that you don't need them to be there all the time and that you are aware this is a journey. You can tell them that you will try your hardest to be as honest and open with them as you feel able to. You can share that this applies to both of you. I have had these conversations with my mother. We sat down a while after I had come home and I let her know that I was going to therapy and starting happy pills again (I took a break when the first 2 didn't agree with me but I came to realise that I couldn't focus on working to combat my illogical mind without some form of extra help). I said that I would let her know more when I felt able to. This relationship has turned into a phone call once a week just to check in with each other from a mental standpoint and vent any frustrations or work through any negative emotions or share any positive emotions we have been feeling. I used to stop by her work after therapy and she would take a break so we could just chat and talk about how I was feeling. As I have become mentally stronger we have been able to share so much and because of having fair and clear expectations we have both gained a huge amount from the progress in this relationship. The whole point of expectations is something you think you will achieve, gain or learn from an experience. By facing these expectations head on you become more in control of what is goin on around you which leaves you more able to focus on the struggle and journey going on inside your mind. By taking this small step (even though it seems huge every time you do it) you are empowering yourself, helping to strengthen relationships in your tribe and building up a part of the life that you want. So try taking that first step. Just give yourself a little push to step outside of the box your illogical brain has created for you to reside in. You are enough. You are not alone. You are ok.
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